Uncle Jerry’s Jokes

You have to adapt
Q: How does a one-armed man tie his shoe?
A: Single-handedly.

Maybe she needs a Valium
Q: What sits on the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A: A nervous wreck

Making it harder than it needs to be
Did you hear about the man who loved the sound of the clapping together of two coconut shells? He wanted to reproduce the sound, but he didn’t have two coconut shells. So, he grabbed his neighbor’s horse and led him along the town’s only cobblestone street. See? You can figure anything out if you put your mind to it.

A man has questions, a wallet has answers
I, Uncle Jerry, love my wife and children: Wanda, little Joey and little Marta. I keep a wallet in my pocket, with our family photo in it whenever I go to work at the Martian salt mines. Life here on Mars is expensive, so whenever I get stressed and ask myself, “where is the money going?” I open my wallet and see the reason it is empty—Wanda, little Joey and little Marta!

Flattery will always work
Q: What did one pencil say to the other pencil?
A: Looking sharp!

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